A major discovery has been found in the fertile lands in the Bekaa Valley. Ali Mohammed, a local potato farmer, was awe struck when he found crude oil streaming through his vegetations.
“I was poking the ground to plant my potatoes and I felt this sticky black substance underneath the soil”, he explained. “As I lifted my hand to smell it, I knew immediately it was oil.”
A spokesperson for the Ministry of Oil confirmed the find. Sleiman Slickman was quoted as saying , “initial reports indicate the presence of high-grade crude oil, and at current market price levels, will completely eradicate the national debt.” He went on to say, “the Ministry has sent out an immediate request for all water tank drivers to report to the area to start pumping the oil from the ground.”
In response to the findings, a spokesperson for the Free People’s Movement requested an immediate audit into the quantities available while the Hopeful Party, in a statement, requested that all funds obtained through the sale of the oil be diverted towards construction projects north of the southern border.
In turn, in a joint statement, the Phalanx Party and the Phoenician Forces questioned the coincidence of oil appearing on non-Phoenician land and requested the higher being authorities to intervene.
Nevertheless, excitement is rampant on the streets of the country as celebratory gunfire erupted within the vicinity of the find which resulted in an immediate army deployment to prevent stray bullets from hitting the oil farm.
In concluding comments, Slickman went on to say, “This is an incredible find and will propel the Lebanese economy forward. April 1st will now be remembered as the day we can look back and laugh at our previous predicaments.”